Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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