Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
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she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
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Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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