I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
