So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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