I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
