she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
