He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
