New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
