Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
