just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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