Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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