I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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