Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
honey bunches of taint.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
