Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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