I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
