I'm so fucking centered right now
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
