I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
