You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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