He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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