Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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