He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
