Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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