Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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