Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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