My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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