Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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