check it out our google latitudes are spooning
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
