Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
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I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
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Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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