You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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