I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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