I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I think I just sharted jello shots
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
