I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
