Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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