You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
