hell yes lets make some ravioli
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
