I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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