Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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