And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
