Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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