Soap is not a condiment
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
