I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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