We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
