I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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