i just had sex bonerless
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
