you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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