Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
