last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
