oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This toilet bowl is my home.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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