This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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