Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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