11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage