You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.