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I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Randomize
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