if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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