there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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