Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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