He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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