my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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