the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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