Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm at about main and main street
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
