i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
