I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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