I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
