is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
if only i could text you this smell
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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