Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
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She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
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I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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