FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
