We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
