I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
