she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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