So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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