I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He passed out mid-signature
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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