This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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