a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He felt like a one man threesome
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
